Outrageously selfish thoughts from a yoga class – hope they prove contagious and rub off on all my beautiful friends.
My yoga teacher must have achieved her goal today. After a half-day of fasting, ridden by shame and guilt, I came to the class in a perfect no-self state – empty, feeling only the aching body muscles and hollow stomach. I kept fixing my shirt through the warrior 1 flipping to warrior 2 poses, pulling the reluctant rolling up fabric down over the belly. Glancing into the mirror to check my posture, I suddenly was amazed by what I saw. That unassuming figure with flabby stomach, pale round face, frizzy hair all of sudden looked amazingly beautiful. Maybe it was a serotonin rush from yesterday’s jog, first after a brutally cold winter, combined with the light-headedness of the fast. For whatever reason, I just felt absolutely in love with myself - the person who looked back at me from that mirror. The blue eyes under the golden curls radiated subtle beauty, the round cheeks were nicely accentuated with blush, and I particularly liked the softness around the hips that reminded me of my two amazingly beautiful children, however far or close they may be at the moment.
My yoga teacher must have achieved her goal today. After a half-day of fasting, ridden by shame and guilt, I came to the class in a perfect no-self state – empty, feeling only the aching body muscles and hollow stomach. I kept fixing my shirt through the warrior 1 flipping to warrior 2 poses, pulling the reluctant rolling up fabric down over the belly. Glancing into the mirror to check my posture, I suddenly was amazed by what I saw. That unassuming figure with flabby stomach, pale round face, frizzy hair all of sudden looked amazingly beautiful. Maybe it was a serotonin rush from yesterday’s jog, first after a brutally cold winter, combined with the light-headedness of the fast. For whatever reason, I just felt absolutely in love with myself - the person who looked back at me from that mirror. The blue eyes under the golden curls radiated subtle beauty, the round cheeks were nicely accentuated with blush, and I particularly liked the softness around the hips that reminded me of my two amazingly beautiful children, however far or close they may be at the moment.
At that moment I did not need an illusion of another person’s love, did not need anyone’s approval - for the first time in many years I just loved myself. No more fasting – if I want to loose weight it will be only to perfect that figure in the mirror, because I love her so much that I want her to be perfect. I could hear this said by multitude of teachers, instructors, friends and relatives – but until I feel in my heart the strong overwhelming love towards the person I see in the mirror, no words will hold weight.
She may have totally crazy ideas – great! She may be irrational and impulsive, very impulsive, prone to anger outbursts – so what? She may be clingy and annoying – too bad, but it really does not matter, because I love her and the One Who created her.
No comments:
Post a Comment