Condition of the Soul

Driving along the highway, I passed a rather obnoxious billboard that read “Do you want to look sexy at 30, 40, and 50, and 60?”  Don’t remember which product was advertised, but right away I indignantly dismissed the message as a cheap piece of ridiculous objectification.  Whenever I speak to a mixed crowd, I want to look calm and composed, confident, enthusiastic, maybe inspiring, but definitely not like a plaything.  I don’t want to see googly eyes, flushed cheeks, appreciating glances – NO!  First, it is distracting and I might forget what I was about to say (happened at least once), second, I’d like my audience to remember what I said and be able to apply it on the job or in life.   

But then, what if I am the audience? What if say, my favorite author were alive and I got to hear him speak?  There is a special adoring look that a woman bestows on a man she admires, that brightens her eyes and smoothes her features.  It had nothing to do with diet or skin care products, but rather with the condition of the soul, the sense of wonder, the ability to see the stars.  I think I’d like to stay that way long past sixty. 

Love that Person in the Mirror

Outrageously selfish thoughts from a yoga class – hope they prove contagious and rub off on all my beautiful friends.

My yoga teacher must have achieved her goal today.  After a half-day of fasting, ridden by shame and guilt, I came to the class in a perfect no-self state – empty, feeling only the aching body muscles and hollow stomach.  I kept fixing my shirt through the warrior 1 flipping to warrior 2 poses, pulling the reluctant rolling up fabric down over the belly. Glancing into the mirror to check my posture, I suddenly was amazed by what I saw.  That unassuming figure with flabby stomach, pale round face, frizzy hair all of sudden looked amazingly beautiful.  Maybe it was a serotonin rush from yesterday’s jog, first after a brutally cold winter, combined with the light-headedness of the fast. For whatever reason, I just felt absolutely in love with myself - the person who looked back at me from that mirror.  The blue eyes under the golden curls radiated subtle beauty, the round cheeks were nicely accentuated with blush, and I particularly liked the softness around the hips that reminded me of my two amazingly beautiful children, however far or close they may be at the moment.   

At that moment I did not need an illusion of another person’s love, did not need anyone’s approval - for the first time in many years I just loved myself.  No more fasting – if I want to loose weight it will be only to perfect that figure in the mirror, because I love her so much that I want her to be perfect.  I could hear this said by multitude of teachers, instructors, friends and relatives – but until I feel in my heart the strong overwhelming love towards the person I see in the mirror, no words will hold weight.

She may have totally crazy ideas – great! She may be irrational and impulsive, very impulsive, prone to anger outbursts – so what?  She may be clingy and annoying – too bad, but it really does not matter, because I love her and the One Who created her.